marrow_sky: (devoted to the letters|stf)
[personal profile] marrow_sky
It is actually depressing me that this is going to be what this first journal post is going to be about, but after several false starts, some of which were Twilight discussions I couldn't get through without minor breakdowns, then finally a conclusion that I was just going to have this bloody personal journal with which I will do nothing, but finally, finally, at 2:22 AM, for the sheer fact that I have no one else to talk to, and I must get this off my chest before I kill someone, I am going to start this journal off...

With this.

There might as well be a few explanations before I get into why that article is pissing me off, and why I need to be writing it at 2:24 in the morning when I was planning on watching Top Gear, on a Sunday, before heading to bed.

If you don't know what Stranger Than Fiction is, well. Uh... I don't know really. I know it's one of my favourite films of all time - although, that's a bit of a general term for any film that I've seen and liked. All I know is that I really, really like it. It's just the kind of film I like. As a math geek, the opening is a nerdgasm to me, as the movie starts with how the number-obsessed Harold sees the world, from golden rectangles to the numbers ticking off the steps as he walks. And on the literary side, I've always liked a bit of narration in plays and radio shows, and actually narration is usually where me and adaptations fall apart, because a lot of my favourite authors write a fantastic narrative, which obviously gets lost in translation to different mediums. Of course it isn't the fault of anyone, since it's understandably inevitable, but it's something of a regret I get when watching film adaptations. They're my favourite parts of books and they're my favourite part of writing as a writer. And the fact that suddenly in this movie is Emma Thompson doing the narration, it's nothing short of rubbing myself against a heated velvet rug in front of a log fire while kittens crawl over me. It's a very nice, calm, happy film. And by 'happy', I obviously mean 'I can't get through this movie without crying'.

I love this film. It's happy. It's sad. And most of all, it's relaxing. It's the kind of movie that doesn't try to be flashy, explosive, or even that deep. It's just sort of saying, "Hey. Look outside."

"... Isn't that great?"

So it pisses me right the fuck off when people introduce God into the picture.

I'm sorry, I know this is being ... so many kinds of narrow-minded and.. etc. Well, honestly, I don't care what anyone believes in, because it's not really them they hate, it's the belief they're taking their entire moral grounding from. It's always been the general idea of religion that's bothered me at the core, not the people who believe in it. But as a person who has been a former Christian, I can honestly say that I hate it. Obviously one religion is going to be smugger than the other, but I would much rather that smugness be a "Well. You're going to Hell, obviously. But want to have a coffee before you inevitably die and burn in the fires of eternal damnation?" rather than "Look at me, all high and mighty in my chair, leaning down to help you out of the shithole that is your belief." At least in the former, it's a mutual understanding that both sides think the other are idiots, whereas in the latter, one is saying "awww, look at the little puppy, thinking those stupid things. Don't worry, puppy, I'm going to teach you the right things to think" and the other is going "Well, do fuck off."

I am a non-Christian. In fact, I am so non-Christian, I am an atheist. I'm the sort of atheist that likes to stare at Christians like scientists do to bacteria down a microscope. But I hate religion. Every time I see anything about developing nations, and I see people there who are praying to God, I have to say, I really hate it. I don't think that it should be happening. I think that, like children, there are some things they should develop themselves. And if, at say, seventeen, they decide to become a doctor like you've always wanted them to be, then that's okay. Why the hell do you have to go there and tell them that everything they believe is wrong. That there is no other God in the world. You are right. You are infallible. Your religion is infallible. Listen or you will burn in the miserable fires of Hell?

I've always been confused about the point of missionaries. Obviously if these people were meant to be taken into God's all loving embrace, they would have gotten there by themselves.

If fact, if you are a missionary, and you googled this and clicked the link after the twenty-fifth page or something while on a flight to Africa or some such, please, please, unbuckle your seatbelt, go to the cockpit, and ask to be taken back.

If your God is so loving, and so understanding. Would he not understand atheists, and Buddhists, and Hindus, and Muslims, and even people who might, for whatever reason, still believe in the Greek Gods? If you God is so fucking forgiving, would he not accept into his love everyone who was just good? Would he not love, understand, and forgive the idea that humans, in the absence of proof, would inevitably doubt? Would inevitably fall into different beliefs? How does believing that you should wear a small hat on your head, or that eating pigs is bad, or that eating cows is bad, change anything about you as a person? How, for a being so omnipotent, compassionate, and loving, as you constantly must reiterate to us, does he expect us to know!? To be perfect!? We are human! The very basis of our existence is to be fallible! We are not perfect! You know why!? BECAUSE GOD IS PERFECT. ARE WE GOD? NO WE ARE NOT. THAT'S THE POINT.

How does believing in God, accepting God, how does it make you better a person? Before you accepted Him into your heart, were you just an inherently bad person? I suppose until I accept God into my heart, I will always just be inherently inclined to go and stab someone and cheat on my wife. From my gay marriage.

Is there something so terribly wrong about just being a nice person? For what reason? Well, I don't know. How about just TO BE A NICE PERSON. Is this so hard for people? Is it depressing for them to have to think about being kind to other members of their race unless some omnipotent lifeguard is hanging overhead, making sure you all play nicely? Do you need to be reminded not to kill people? I would assume that in the natural course of understanding, at some point, your head would realise "oh, killing people is bad". Obviously not. Obviously you need the Bible to remind you, or clearly we're all just fucked.

I'm getting off topic.

I hate this little blog, written by this little Christian, because it encompasses, in less than all the words I've written so far, everything I've written so far. It might not be as egregious as the spit spewing out of Bill O'Reilly, but it's there.

"Hannah proceeded to open the discussion by relating what Eiffel has to say to Van Tillian apologetics, where we discussed how non-Christians will feel thankful for something in their lives, but they do not realize *to Whom* they are thankful."

Why does there need to be a whom? Why does there need to be a reason? Do you think because I don't believe in God, the universe is now totally bereft of beauty? I might be a cynic, but I tell you what, I am idealistic cynic, because there is nothing more beautiful to me than a universe without a God. That isn't me being spiteful, I'm genuinely saying it. Maybe it's just my penchant for liking the unknown, but reveals are always a bit disappointing for me. I don't want to believe that the fact that even if I did everything in my power to move my fingers in the exact way I did just moments before is entirely impossible because of millions of factors that are too minute for us to see is ... done by some God just creating stuff. Or the fact that through invisible factors that you can't see, objects can float, can orbit, was just thought up by somebody. An all-knowing someone, perhaps. Or the fact that we are all sitting in an extreme feat of science that allows us to walk on two legs, with hands that are puppeted with muscles in our arms, with an extremely complex internal system that simply works. How about the fact that most of what we're made of is actually nothing, owing to how far apart atoms are, and yet we can type, read, touch? Or hell, how about the fact that we can type and read at all? Isn't that beautiful? Aren't you thankful for that? Aren't you just thankful at life for just being fucking awesome? Why am I an ungrateful cow, as an atheist, for not thanking God? In my eyes, you're the ungrateful cows for not realising that life is intrinsically beautiful.

To me, life is so much more beautiful without God.

It's always fascinated me that for a lot of people, religion is a safe haven, to the point that it's something they want to believe. They want to believe in a God because it'll give an explanation for everything.

It's the exact opposite for me. I don't want to believe in God, because it'll take all the beauty from life. It's not just that I don't believe it. I genuinely think that if I believed in God, nothing would be fascinating to me. For me, being an atheist is having a nerdgasm at everything. I mean, look at this computer! With bits of metal and plastic and the lot, it's creating a complete torrent of numbers for everything I'm looking at, everything I'm typing, from the font I'm typing it to the speed. This screen is projecting thousands of lights over and over again, so fast that it's absolutely making no difference to my eyes. It's fucking amazing.

I might not be thankful for many things in my life, in fact, I'm very well known for being a total misery, but for the things I'm thankful for? I don't need God for any of it. And frankly, how dare anyone say I should. Why do you need to thank God for the simple things? How about just being thankful?

"And so, Harold Crick may find himself thankful for Bavarian Sugar Cookies, but until that thankfulness leads him to the Lord, there is sadly still much to be desired."

I just. I don't know anymore.

The biggest issue I have with this person is the fact that she brought what I think is a very ugly concept into a very beautiful film. This film is about appreciating life. To not always see your life as routine, to always be living it, to do what you want to do. To love, to laugh, to just generally live.

But for her?